Why Did I Need a Coach?
/I have had eight jobs since I graduated college about ten years ago. I’ve lived in four different cities, seven different houses and started writing three different books. To be completely honest, just this morning I actually considered quitting coaching and becoming a photographer—travel photographer to be exact. I imagined dangling out of a helicopter capturing never-before-seen photos of an indigenous people group in the mountains of Taiwan. Never mind that I have two small children at home, a wonderful husband who would miss me and weird dietary restrictions that would probably make the travel very uncomfortable.
I have a hard time staying put. I always think there’s something better around the bend or that I’m missing out on the next thing. I get excited about new things and the possibilities that they seem to hold, but once that initial excitement wears off, I have a hard time pressing on through the mundane and the downright challenging days. I don’t like hard things and I ESPECIALLY don’t like boring things.
This means that I have a very hard time achieving goals. Oh I can set them, let me tell you. I can set them like a top chef can set a delectable four course meal. I just can’t achieve them, and that leaves me feeling very frustrated and like a failure.
Enter a coach.
For the longest time I thought I had to figure it out on my own. I should be self-sufficient enough to achieve my goals. If I just triedharder then I should be able to stick with jobs, stay in places and get crap done. Welp, that didn’t work either. Just more tears and more frustration.
I finally realized that I didn’t have to do it alone. A remarkable counselor that I was seeing at the time told me about coaching. She told me they were especially trained to work with people like me who love the excitement of new ideas and goals but don’t have the grit to see them through. Coaches say hard things and point out the truths that aren’t always easy to see. Most importantly, they listen and hear the things that you are saying that you don’t hear yourself.
This is verbatim from a fictional but likely conversation between myself and a coach and since this is fictional, let’s just say we’re also drinking Mai Tais. Cue Ashley:
Ashley:I just can’t seem to stick with my 15-minute writing goal a day. It’s not that much time but for some reason, I always leave it until the end of the day when I’m tired and all I want to do is a read a book. So I don’t do it.
Coach: Tell me more about this specific goal. What made you decide on 15 minutes a day?
Ashley:Well, you know I’m working on this book but it just seems to sit for months at a time if I don’t discipline myself and stick to some schedule. When I set the goal, it seemed like 15 minutes should be doable. It seemed like a small goal.
Coach:I hear you saying that you think you should be able to reach this goal. What makes you think you should be able to do it?
Ashley:What’s 15 minutes right? That’s as long as I spend looking at my phone over lunch or while waiting for son at school. But I’m frustrated that I’m not hitting it day after day and week after week.
Coach:Do you think it’s a realistic goal in your life right now?
Ashley:When I really think about it, not really. Not every day. I think I’m lacking the mental capacity right now. It’s becoming more like a chore and the more frustrated I get, the less I do it and the more time I let pass without doing any writing at all.
Coach:That’s interesting. What kind of goal do you think you have capacity for right now?
Ashley:I think I can write for 15 minutes once a week. Yikes, that’s a drastic change, but I know that I can hit that one.
Coach:That seems like a good idea. A good place to start. When would that fit in your week?
Ashley:(takes a sip of her Mai Tai) Probably on Fridays when my husband is off work. I can do it right away when I wake up.
Coach:Great. Let’s write that down and I’ll circle back with you next time we talk. Cheers! (Mai Tais clinking)
Yes, a coach will guide you through large life changes like a job transition or welcoming a new baby but most of our lives consist of small daily goals that we set for ourselves like sticking to a cleaning schedule or making our bed each day. There is so much joy in setting a small goal and accomplishing it. A coach is there to guide you through any and all goals that you might have.
When I veer off my path, like daydreaming about hiking in the Serengeti or quitting my life to become a chef, my coach gently reminds me what I told her a week ago and sets me right back on track.
Are you interested in learning more about hiring a life coach? Want to learn more about the Enneagram and how it can be a benefit in coaching? Read more here.
