Six Feet of Social Awkwardness
/I am super socially aware—ALL THE TIME. Whenever I’m talking with other people, I am always asking myself, am I talking too much? Did I ask enough questions? Crack enough jokes? Make the right amount of eye contact and smile enough to brighten someone else’s day?
Usually I can check all of the boxes and leave most social interactions with that dopamine hit extroverts get when they genuinely enjoy connecting with people all the time and in any situation, like I do.
But then I had children.
And suddenly all of my super social savviness disintegrated like soap down a drain. Not only do I now spend most of my time with said tiny children who, no matter which way you spin it, are not usually dopamine providers, but I also have limited social interaction in the outside world.
And the interactions I DO have in the world, with my toddlers in tow, are less than pretty.
Let’s look at a social interaction between Ashley and the world BEFORE children.
Quick Target run…Ashley sees a girl in the aisle with awesome shoes and tells her that they are super cute, where did she buy them? Girl replies that they were from her mom but that she probably bought them at Marshall’s and it was recently. Ashley says that her mom has great style too and loves to shop which works well because Ashley does not. Girl agrees and says the same, they find out that both have parents living outside the state and that being here is hard and sometimes lonely, they miss their parents. They chat about what brought them to Indiana, how they like Indianapolis, how they feel like lots of people who live here grew up here… Yada yada, twenty minutes pass and they decide to get coffee in the next week and become friends! Voila! Not an uncommon occurrence in the life of Ashley pre-babies.
THEN THE CHILDREN HIT.
Quick Target run…One child is sitting up in the front of the cart and the other is in the basket. Let’s start with best case scenario and say they are both happily munching snacks so Ashley knows that she has 7-9 minutes before, either another snack appears, or she’s made it through the store completely, checked out and loaded them in the van. She’s armed with snacks so things are looking good. There is a girl in an aisle with cute shoes. Right at the moment that Ashley is about to mention them, her younger son throws his snack cup on the floor and starts to cry. Her older son decides to engage the girl in a conversation and begins to tell her that he just got a new dragon toy and that he had peanut butter and jelly for lunch. So between crying child and chatty child, Ashley smiles apologetically at the girl, says “cute shoes” and moves on. Snack clock ticking. Tick tock, tick tock.
See the difference? Missed social opportunity. Gut-wrenching for a social butterfly.
But, this is temporary, right?
Everyone says it is.
For those who operate in the world with young children, we have to believe that mostly other people get it. They understand the determination on our faces as we plow through stores as quickly as possible, or break off conversations in the middle to answer menial questions or kiss boo boos.
But for the socially sensitive extroverts, this has been challenging and painful. All social norms are broken and bets are off. Eye contact? Asking thoughtful questions? Reaching the actual natural end of a conversation? Long gone.
Now let’s talk about social norms during this current pandemic…gah! As if operating in the world with children wasn’t my own version of Corona virus social anxiety every single day, now let’s add all of the other questions like, what if I have to bring my children to the store? Should I wear a face mask? Can I engage this person in a conversation while wearing said mask? What about the fact that I’m 31 weeks pregnant with a very obvious bump? Does that make people uncomfortable? It’s too much, and I see how the regular person has just decided to draw their blinds until further notice, no social interaction period.
But I can’t live that way. It’s my 9th circle of hell to never talk to anyone outside my house ever again.
So we walk around the block. Again and again. The boys need the exercise and I need the fresh air and the chance to at least smile at a neighbor.
The block walking and quick trips to the grocery store have left me with a litany of awkward social interactions that make me cringe whenever I think of them. Allow me a second to share them with you. Also, because I love reading about these and hate living them, so you’re welcome--
The neighbor who walks around me in a very wide berth while giving me the side eye as if I was in their way, love that
The guy at the grocery store who tells me I shouldn’t be at the store because I’m pregnant, thanks sir super helpful
The other neighbor who engages me in a conversation outside my house from more than 100 yards away. I can’t hear her so when I move closer (let’s say like 80 yards), she tells me not to come any closer…awkward, then stop talking to me!
Lastly, the neighbor we compliment (from across the street) about the beautiful tree in his front yard who tells us to stay 6 feet away from it, uhhhh, your tree?
Now let me tell you all of the socially awkward things I’ve done because I feel like a fumbling quarterback with Jello hands whenever I’m in public these days—
Apologized to the butcher for touching a piece of saran wrapped meat and then putting it back, he told me that someone else was gonna touch it and then someone else after that, he was right
Abruptly left a conversation with my neighbor because my children, who were just being children, were not keeping the proper 6 feet of social distancing. Even though she didn’t seem upset, I yelled at them. Newsflash, they don’t get it
Tried to make light-hearted conversation with the cashiers at the stores and most of the time this falls flat, they’re tired and scared and worn out, that’s ok
Gave the side-eye to a woman who came up next to me in produce to pick her own strawberries, yikes, it’s getting to me too!
Not smiling at people when I make eye contact with them because people have stopped smiling at me
There ya go. Like many a yard sign will tell you, we’re all in this together, right? And I’m just as guilty of being awkward and critical of others as they are of me.
And I hate that.
Because it is important to me to care for the other people that I see, to be up for conversation if someone starts one with me, to simply smile at someone else with confidence instead of waiting for them to smile at me.
So here’s the question, how can we be a light when we are in public to others during this awkward and scary time?
First, I think it’s about showing empathy and understanding. Letting it go if and when people say weird things and aren’t very thoughtful themselves. They are scared and confused like we all are. No one planned for this, no one has a guidebook. We are all trying to figure out how to continue living this life to the best of our ability in the midst of this pandemic.
Then, I think it’s trying to find ways to help others. And honestly, it’s hard to do this while social distancing, and I’ve struggled a lot. I’d usually hold a door or grab an item for someone but honestly now that looks more like moving out of someone else’s way. If they enter your 6 feet circumference, move away from them. Don’t get mad and frustrated. Let them look at the strawberries first if they walk up behind you. Be patient and kind. The empathy piece helps a lot here too.
Lastly, umm have I talked about smiling yet? Maybe you’ve already gathered that I like to smile. And usually I do it a whole lot. Lately, it’s been harder for me. Did I mention the 31 weeks pregnant and two toddlers? Oh yeah. But that aside, a smile is a small way to show someone you’re passing on the street or in the store that they are seen. And lots of people don’t feel seen right now. When such a small gesture can have that kind of impact, why not just hand them all out for free?
The postman, on a beautiful 80-degree day, came walking into my yard where I was sitting under a tree and I stood up and took the mail from him with a smile. He said, “you’re not afraid of me?”
This made me really sad. Because even though the truth is we’re afraid of the virus and not people, we ARE often treating people like we are afraid of them, like everyone has a disease, like other people’s hands are unclean. Let’s be conscious of that and differentiate between the person and the virus.
